Unmotivated: Finding Peace During the Longest Month

I can but I won’t.


My yoga teacher reminded me today that we are now in the 6th week of quarantine. It feels like the 100th week – especially when it’s been raining for the past 4 days. One day begins to bleed into the next and I mark off the days on a calendar like a prisoner or somebody lost on a desert island in order to keep track. Even as a 50% introvert, I find the days sometimes long and interminable.

And myself extremely unmotivated.

Sometimes having too many choices is just as bad as not having enough. How to fill the hours that are not taken up with commuting and being tired? Or what to do in those hours when you are exhausted because of a chronic illness? The answer is simple, at least for me it is: Lean into the exhaustion, take a nap if needed, and give my body the time to rest and repair itself.

I recently saw an article about how each organ has its own circadian rhythm and that’s part of the reason why we need at least 8 hours of sleep. This gives the body time to perform its repairative cycles. If there are too many toxins in the body, it’s difficult for the organs to perform their functions.

I wonder if that’s the reason why so many of us are sick myself included. Sleep is seen as a luxury – something only the unmotivated or lazy while going without sleep and being driven is the hallmark of a successful person.

As if to die too early of overwork is the mark of a winner.

I hope that one of the benefits and outcomes of this continued quarantine is to turn this outdated and unhealthy view of success on its head and return to a true work life balance – where it’s achieved and held up as the norm. To work when self into an early grave in order to achieve some lofty idea of success or material goods that you can’t take with you when you die seems a very poor way to live. And honestly what would be the point?

Was I truly born just to work and pay bills and then die?

I don’t think so. So if I am unmotivated today or tomorrow, I think that’s OK. It’s not like it’s an everyday occurrence for me, so why not give the body a day or two off to repair itself?

Plus, the inner work I have been doing during this quarantine is not an easy task. Working to be self aware, facing one’s inner demons, and embracing one’s shadow self is all very worth it. But it takes a lot of energy and that energy needs to be replenished.

So what if today I was unmotivated?

I spent 2 hours in neurofeedback, 15 minutes washing my car, 3 hours napping, and 2 hours watching my favorite Chinese drama. My spirit feels at peace and my body is renewing itself.

And that is motivation enough to begin again tomorrow.

During the month of April, I’m participating in the A-Z Blogging Challenge

A member of the Water Street Writers, Mikaela D’Eigh is a writer, poet, gardener, mental wellness advocate, and a lover of Scotch, K-Pop, and KDramas.  She writes about anything and everything, using all the crayons in the box.  Currently, she lives out in the country with two Egyptian gods disguised as cats, a herd of cows, and the occasional flock of wild turkeys. Check her out at La Belle Dame Merci, Medium, Facebook, or Instagram for more essays, poetry, and shenanigans.

Image (c) http://www.mikaeladeigh.com

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